I struggle

I struggle with emotions, no that’s a lie! I struggle with my feelings when it involves my mum and family. 

I eat my emotions. 

I never knew this was a thing until I got diagnosed with a eating disorder last year. People always say how strong I am and positive even know I’ve been through so much shit. How much can one person take, but I don’t know any other way other than to survive. 

But am I? 

I would say I was until I realised that the damage was inside me, I was eating all of my emotions. I would be ok but only if I could eat what I want all day everyday. Why is this I asked? 

During counselling I learnt that I had forgotten or tried to forget a lot of my childhood and my adolescent years. It wasn’t just my mum and family that affected me it was the abusive relationship I was in and the relationship I had with a man who battles addiction. And abusing myself with starting relationships with boys I didn’t care for but did so because I craved love. The more I didn’t care for them the more they liked me, what a head F*ck! 

Wow! Did I really have all this inside me, I thought this was normal for so long. Surely everyone’s life where I lived was like this. 

I eat my emotion’s, and it’s so shit! I’ve never been this big in my life, I need to face up to my demon’s it’s effecting my body and health. 

I get told all the time, that I’m disgusting for sharing parts of my life with you all from family members! 

I really want to share with you all my demons so you don’t feel alone! Even for just one person not to feel alone, but I’m not there yet. I still worry how I would make my mum and family look. Which shows I still have a way to go. 

Stacey xo

One thought on “I struggle

  1. UK Twin, i understand completwlt how you feel…not in regards to my mom but other things that seem to taunt me everyday….damn those negative voices in my weary little head. (Smile) I too struggle with bad eating habits since i had complications after I gave birth to my third child…i developed si many self worth issues. I’ve been taking an anti depressant every since, altnough i stopped taking it when i was pregnant with my 4th, kast xhild, Mystic who is ASD. Although you and I are so blessed we struggle sometimes with the hard parts of life, then there’s the guilt of having bad feelings when we know there are so many people worse off than we are. We are up and down. You are not alone. You are not a sap for sharing your emotions, feelings and life. You help me so much! I used to pray rhat God woyld make me less sensitive…but im still very sensitive…so, ive accepted it as ive gotten older. Nevertheless, its better than being sterile, detached, and/or unemotional. You and i and the rest of your subscribers are all in a transformational relationship …we change each other for the better. Lets all keep growing together! Love from the U.S.

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