Have you ever felt like water, the water that is running through fingertips and no matter how much you try and squeeze the fingers together water just slips through.
Each day we do something that feed’s our soul or damages it, slowly breaking it piece by piece. We live in a society where we crave fame, and popularity to be liked, admired, or supported by many people. People who you don’t know and who don’t know you, doesnt that sound insane?
Most of us don’t know who we are and how can we? We are being told what we like, don’t like, what we should watch and how to behave all through social media. I don’t hate social media, I think it’s a great platform but I think you have to be a certain person or shall I say be in a certain part of your life and headspace, to know how to use social media without letting it control you and your brain.
How many followers do you have? How many subscribers do you have? Who follows you? This is the question’s Ive been asked on a daily basis at some point of my life. I was slowly losing myself, why am I doing these AD video’s? I had it all solved in my brain, if I only work with brands I like then that’s ok. But was is? Don’t get me wrong being happy that a certain amount of people enjoy your content or feed on Instagram is great, it means you can reach a bigger audience on the knowledge you are telling and I’m so grateful for mine. But does it make you better than anyone – No! We were all put on this earth for a reason and I believe this is one of mine.
When your asked for your daily stats, your reach, your views on your video, how many followers you have this has always made me feel uncomfortable. Ive always heavily depended on my inner feeling, you know that feeling you get in your gut. It didn’t sit right with me. No amount of money can buy my soul – it’s not for sale. I was raised on benefits in a council house by a single mum, Ive been so broke for a part of my life that I wasn’t sure how I would come back. And after all of this I can’t be brought, being able to sleep at night and having a pure heart is more important to me. You see I honestly believe if you love something do it, and the money will come after.
I decided to make videos to speak on topics that I felt would help other’s Ive always been this way. I studied 4 years at university to be a Social Worker as Ive always wanted to support people like me Ive worked in Child Protection and a Women’s Refuge then when our son Jacob was diagnosed with Autism I knew I want to help others on this topic. Also domestic abuse, mother and daughter relationships, drugs and abuse etc..
Youtube isn’t what I thought it was going to be like and it hurt my soul. I would love to go in deeper (I will one day) but what I will say is the things you see on Youtube isn’t what it is and that hurt me. Im open, honest and love hard, and I need that in return I don’t care how many followers you have, or who’s your friend if your good person we gonna get along. Unfortunately it don’t always work like that. People will love you as long as you are in the middle of it all and that’s not me. I don’t want fame, or that lifestyle I want love, deep conversations, knowledge and helping and supporting each other. I have made some great relationships with people Ive meant on Youtube and Im grateful.
Don’t get me wrong not all of us want the same thing and Im ok with that but I didn’t know this was the case by watching Youtube, you honestly can’t judge people by their Youtube channel. I still love Youtube so much but as a watcher, I don’t watch peoples lives, I love interviews and shows and love love podcasts at the moment. I don’t know if I will go back to Youtube for sit down videos for Autism and advice thats my passion but vlogs is a no no.
I think its great that people are living their lives as Youtuber’s and bloggers damn what a wonderful society to be in if this is what you want. I just want us to remember that we don’t all have to be Youtuber’s. Be what you want to be and not what you see on the TV all the time as easy, as it may look easy but mentally it might not be. It’s so easy to see a life and think its wonderful, remember everything online is not real.
There is also concerns around my children and Youtube which I will go into in another post.
Find yourself and only do what you want to do… Ive cut off all my ties that I felt were killing my soul and being sold to the highest bidder and I am back and better than ever! I will only ever go with my gut! It got me this far.
How do you mark your value, is it how many followers you have? or is it your soul being happy? Do you see the value in yourself?
Let’s talk below.