You survived a Narcissistic Mother Be Kind to Yourself.
The day I began to fight back and gain the strength I didn’t know I had was the day our relationship changed forever. I started to notice that with every step I took the less power she actually had over me. Don’t get me wrong it took years…
Today I don’t have a relationship with my Mother I haven’t for years. There’s no use, She’ll twist everything and try to manipulate the truth. She’s abandoned me to many times. To the world my mother is the nicest person ever. Since Jacob’s diagnosis there has been times when I needed her, or a mother figure to tell me I’m doing ok, to tell me Jacob is perfect the way he is. There would be days I cried wishing for her to be a mum and some days I thought I was over it. The truth is she doesn’t love me, she never has, it’s not her fault she doesn’t know how to love me, or to even love herself. You have to be honest with yourself to heal.
I have many scars and trust issues developed from this relationship, the relationship where you’re meant to feel so wanted, so loved and at home. But in order for me to continue healing I’ve realised that this won’t happen, I’ve grieved the Mother I wanted and accepted this. Its taken years to get to this point, the guilt of not having a relationship with my mother made me continue a toxic relationship that gave me mental health issues and more.
People will think how can you write this, I can write this because this is my truth, for years I’ve had to cover, portray I was the bad person so people didn’t see the real her. This is why I’m so happy to be free, Im so careful what energy I have around me, only good people with good hearts share my energy on a regular basis.
You are allowed to terminate your relationship with toxic family members. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You are allowed to be angry but address it as it will be your burden not theirs. Remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of YOU, you are a survivor.