I found this post in my drafts and was obviously having a hard and emotional day. I wasn’t sure whether to post but you know me I think it’s important to let it out. This is not how I feel everyday or even every month. However sometime’s thing’s are just rush. Here it is.
I hate the fact that I don’t have a Mum,
I hate that she can continue life as normal while I yarn for that mother to tell me I’m doing great and she’s so proud of me as a person or as a mother
I hate that she hasn’t bothered with Jacob since he’s been born or even cared how he is getting on
I hate I didn’t have a mum to hold me when Jacob got his diagnosis for Autism
I hate that she chose a man over me and her grandchildren
I hate that she never loved me
I hate that my mum is a narcissistic and there is nothing she can do about it
I hate that she just doesn’t care
I hate I have to do this alone without a mother’s love
I hate having to split my time between my two children, everything has to be split time as Jacob always needs more of my supervision
I hate that after a 4am wake up I’m so tired when he finally goes to bed at 7pm I just want to crawl into bed. But I need to know spend time with my daughter, bless her she is so patient.
What I love and feel so blessed about –
I love that I have such a supportive husband
I love that my husband is so hands on
I love when Reika and I spend quality time together watching films or painting our nails.
I love how Jacob has changed our lives and made us into completely different parents and human beings
I love that I’m a mum and so blessed
I love being a mum and wife